thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
