Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize