You can't special order awesome
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
