I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
