Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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