Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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