I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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