I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
