I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
