I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
