We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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