im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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