Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
