my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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