And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
