She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
