Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She needs sedatives and a leash
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
