The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
did you just send me my own nude
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
