TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
