You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
