I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
