DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
