He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
