we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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