Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
