My room smells like vodka and shame
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
