So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
