I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
