I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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