i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
