Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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