Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
