Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
