I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
