This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
