no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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