Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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