I just threw up on my dentist
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
