Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
