All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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