well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
