Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
