If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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