So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
