Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
