That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
