All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
