I need to stop coming to work sober
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
