I think im going to throw up on grandma
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
