he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
