I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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