I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
