I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
