just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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