Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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