I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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