woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
