I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ugly people sure do ruin things
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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