whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
