You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
