she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am available for nakedness
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
