Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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