I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
tell me about the eggs
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
